CarportConfidential

Crosstour Confusion

2009-11-08T10:45:00.003-05:00

OK, we all make errors on occasion and yesterday The Detroit News review of the 2010 Honda Crosstour featured photos of the new European Accord by mistake. The descriptions that "it looks better in person than the photographs" must ring true when, by this morning, the errant photo had been replaced with the real design dud from Honda.

Dodge Viper Logo

2009-11-08T10:41:00.003-05:00

Too much time on your hands and this is what happens. The Dodge Viper logo turned upside down and what do you have?

That's dithpicable!!!!!!!

Still Scary!

2009-10-31T05:26:00.005-04:00

Glad you had your camera...

2009-10-31T05:00:00.004-04:00

Yes, grandfather is getting along in years but he is keeping up with technology... sort of. This is global GPS if I have ever seen it.

OK, maybe for a leisurely drive to the neighborhood 7-11, but no interstate please.

"No problem. Just continue down Milson road and take a right at Tomeka. The on ramp for I-45 will be on your right, about a quarter mile. You'll have the refrigerator home in no time."

When accidents aren't accidents.

2009-10-25T10:25:00.002-04:00

A single driver on a straight road hits a tree at 70 mph and dies. No skid marks. Dry conditions. Officers at the scene list the cause of death as improper driving. But was it?

Police have long theorized that many such otherwise inexplicable crashes are actually disguised suicides. And many researchers believe that suicides disguised as traffic accidents are far more prevalent than previously thought. However, the information necessary to conclude that the driver's intent was to terminate his/her life is generally unavailable and must be proven. Even when suicide is strongly suspected but a suicide note is not found, the case will be classified an "accident."

While there are few studies to substantiate "autocide," sociologist David Phillips of the University of California, San Diego, offered the most solid evidence yet that a number of suicides deliberately drive to their deaths in the family car.

Phillips' study stemmed from a paper he published in 1974 arguing that some suicides were clearly imitative: in the weeks following a prominent suicide, the number of ordinary Americans taking their own lives rises. Phillips later reasoned that if the automobile was a suicide weapon, traffic deaths should increase after widely reported suicides. He analyzed California traffic fatalities from 1966 to 1973, comparing figures for ordinary weeks with statistics for weeks following suicides that were highly publicized in the state, including those of Playwright William Inge, Japanese Novelist Yukio Mishima and California Wine Maker A. Korbel. Phillips' finding: on the third day after such a suicide, auto fatalities rose by 30%; they leveled off for the week at 9% above normal. "In general," notes Phillips, "the more publicity given to the suicide story, the more the number of auto fatalities rises."

One large-scale community survey among suicidal persons provided the following numbers: "Of those who reported planning a suicide, 14.8% had conceived to have a motor vehicle “accident”. Of all attempters, 8.3% had previously attempted via motor vehicle collision.

A second study (Schmidt, Perlin, Towns, Fisher, & Shaffer 1972) led to considerable speculation that a significant albeit unknown proportion of vehicular deaths classified as accidents are in fact suicides. As they argued, the single-car, single-occupant fatal crash is especially suspect and constitute from 1.6% to 5% of all vehicular fatalities.

Except for the Depression year of 1932, the current suicide rate in the U.S. is the highest in history.

Breaking News We Already Knew.

2009-10-21T06:53:00.012-04:00

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;
All the king's horses,
And all the king's men,
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

Headlines everywhere this morning are announcing that the government's Auto Task Force was shocked by the financial state of GM and Chrysler.

In a first-person account posted on Fortune's Web site Wednesday, Steven Rattner, head of the Task Force, said he was alarmed by the "stunningly poor management" at the Detroit companies and said GM had "perhaps the weakest finance operation any of us had ever seen in a major company."

GM's board of directors was "utterly docile in the face of mounting evidence of a looming disaster and former GM chairman and chief executive Rick Wagoner and his team seemed to believe that virtually all of their problems could be laid at the feet of some combination of the financial crisis, oil prices, the yen-dollar exchange rate and the UAW," Rattner wrote.

"We were shocked, even beyond our low expectations, by the poor state of both GM and Chrysler. Looking just at the condition of GM's finances and Chrysler's new-car pipeline, the case for a bailout was weak." Rattner said the task force was divided on whether to save Chrysler. Chrysler was poorly run during its alignment with Daimler AG, and "larded up with debt, hollowed out by years of mismanagement, Chrysler under (private equity firm) Cerberus never had a chance."

"But on the other hand, as we surveyed the interconnected web of finance companies, suppliers and related businesses, the potential impact of the likely alternative -- liquidation -- stunned us. We imagined that the collapse of the automakers could devastate the Midwest beyond imagination."

As I have written in earlier posts, GM's gross sales steeply tanked for the past 10 years with a cumulative loss of over $80 billion. How on earth, then, could anyone be shocked at the financial condition of the company? If there was anything surprising, it was Rattner's revelation that Rick Wagoner, delusional and perhaps even psychotic towards the end, actually thought he deserved to stay at GM's helm!

Folks, it's time to get your head out of the sand. GM and Chrysler's chances of survival are less than 50% even after bankruptcy.

GM's response to Rattner? "Looking back doesn't help us with the important work we have in front of us."

Oh yea? Looking back, you might learn how not to run a car company. But that's something we already knew, too.

Top "10" Most Sinister-Looking Cars

2009-10-17T15:19:00.012-04:00

This from the editors at Kelly Blue Book via the LA Times. Their comments as to why that particular vehicle was chosen first, and my comments follow in italics. Your comments, please.

Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution
Piercing eyes and a Darth Vader-like mouth give Mitsubishi's world-beating overachiever a visual bark commensurate with its road-shredding bite.

I agree with this choice. I always thought Mitsu chose a mean look to appeal to the target audience... boy racer, no?

Rolls-Royce Phantom
At more than 19 feet long and 5 feet tall, the Rolls-Royce Phantom is a big car. Its imposing size conspires with glaring eyes and a chrome prison-like grille to create a look that's as menacing as a runaway financial institution.

Not sure I am buying into this one. "Imposing," most definitely. "Menacing?" Maybe if the car was painted black and pulling up to a medieval castle on a moonlit evening, but dove-grey on Venture Blvd. for a noon brunch... not so much.

Cadillac CTS
With well-ordered lines, decorative flashes of chrome and eyes that sometimes seem to be looking down on you, the CTS arouses fear and respect like a high-ranking military officer.

Whaaa...? How is this menacing? The car is obviously grinning. The Camaro would have been a better pick from GM.

Ford F-150 Raptor
Maybe it's looking for a good time instead of a victim, but wide fenders, meaty tires, a flashy optional graphics package and an imposing grille that looks in search of a hide to brand make the Ford F-150 Raptor look absolutely wicked.

I'm going with this one, too. Intimidating, you bet. Just wait until my friends in the Outer Banks get thru jacking this one up.

Audi R8
With a front end resembling one big air intake, the Audi R8 can come across with the ferocity of a flying engine. Its focused gaze is rendered even more intimidating by brawn that allows it to reach 60 miles per hour in 4.4 seconds.

True, and true for the appearance of most Audi's, even the A3.

Mazda MAZDASPEED3
The MAZDA3's smile is more of a menacing grin on the high-performance MAZDASPEED3. Growling with 263 turbocharged horsepower, you can almost hear it saying, in the guttural voice of the Joker from "The Dark Knight": "Ooohhh. You want to play? Come on!"

Clown-like? Yes. As we all know, the new face for the 3 has been relentlessly ridiculed on the blog sites for months for its circus expression. But threatening? I would call it perverse, more like the grin a dirty old man opening his raincoat exhibits exposing himself to school children.

Acura TL SH-AWD
Looking into the rearview mirror, you'll notice how well the Acura TL's raptor-like Xenon High-Intensity Discharge headlights seem to illuminate the road (almost like they're zeroing in on you?).

Since when is "ugly" menacing? Come on guys, this is another "grinner!" Where's the Dodge Challenger in all this?

Infiniti FX50
Looking like a great white shark on wheels, the Infiniti FX50's daunting look comprises angled Bi-Xenon headlights, a gaping, toothy grille and gill-like side vents.

A reasonable pick. Of course, anytime you cantilever the headlights, a car looks hostile. A Mary Kay pink sedan looks ominous with slanted headlights... no?

Mitsuoka Orochi
If the mere thought of snakes makes you shiver, you might find the Mitsuoka Orochi's serpentine stare uncomfortably familiar. Named for a giant mythical Japanese eight-headed snake, the Orochi sports a mouth-like grille, reptilian-looking quad headlights and a wide, triangular-shaped front end that make it appear ready to attack.

In your dreams, perhaps. Who's ever seen one, much less bought one? The most terrifying aspect of this travesty is all the heaping chrome.

Lamborghini Reventon Roadster
The mere sight of a stealth fighter can inspire either extreme excitement or fear and loathing. For those who've come face-to-face with one in attack mode and lived to tell about it, the sight of a stealth-inspired Lamborghini Reventon racing up behind you might be a bit unsettling.

"Unsettling" to the bank account, too.

Small Car. Herculean Accomplishments.

2009-10-17T15:14:00.000-04:00

I can think of no car that filled so many holes in a manufacturer's lineup than the Rambler, and did so with such surprising longevity and success. It's an amazing story of living, dying and coming back from the dead that earned this automobile a revered standing in the annals of American car history.

The Rambler was introduced by Nash Motors in the early spring of 1950. It was the brainchild of Nash's president George Mason and became post-war America's first domestic compact. Mason knew there was a segment of the population that would respond to an economical automobile and Nash could make money with it in that segment.

Sitting on a 100-inch wheelbase, the Rambler mimicked the larger Nash senior cars in styling and refinement; most notably the skirted front and rear wheel wells. An odd look today, this design trend captured all the newness a war-weary nation dreamed. First offered only as a 2-door "convertible landau," it featured fixed roof rails and a retractable canvas top. 2-Door coupes, sedans and station wagons all soon followed.

The cars sold well, no doubt the starting price of $1,700 helped.

But the 1950s saw great turmoil in the domestic industry, and independents, such as Nash and Studebaker, were fearful of their future. With limited resources and the huge expense of designing new competitive cars, could they survive against the Big 3?

Driven by those odds, Nash Motors merged with Hudson in 1954 forming American Motors. It was an awkward arrangement, as the aging Hudson line duplicated the Nash line. The Hudson Jet, a competitor to the Rambler, had never sold well.

So the new company co-branded the trusty Nash Rambler with the Hudson logo, and the Hudson dealers would now have a successful compact to sell.

In 1955, the Rambler had a modest face lift and opened up the front wheel wells. An egg-crate grill also refreshed the appearance.

But by the end of 1955, sales of the Rambler had begun to decline. The design was over 5 years old, and newer cars from GM, Ford, and Chrysler made the innocent Rambler look dowdy and out of style. Big cars with heavy chrome were where it was at, and the economical Rambler was lost in the shuffle.

Sadly, the little car was discontinued. Many would miss it.

And our story would end as well, if a nasty economic recession hadn't come about. By 1958, the country's boom times began to vanish. Suddenly the march to "lower, wider and longer" cars fell on deaf ears, and the American public stopped buying it. Ford's Edsel arrived at precisely the wrong time and was dead on arrival. Other large makes floundered.

But George Romney, now president of American Motors, made a surprise addition to the company's '58 line up and reintroduced the lowly Rambler as the "new" Rambler American.

Reviving an obsolete design was unheard of in those days (and still is), but it made sense. Neither time nor money allowed for an all-new design. AMC still had the original Nash tooling, and it had long since been paid for. This allowed the firm to field its import-fighter quickly and cheaply, which promised handsome profits even with low list prices.

And the size slotted in perfectly: a bit bigger than the top-selling foreigners, smaller and thriftier than anything offered by the Big Three. Its low price and good mileage made it a hit, again.

And for another 3 years, The Rambler American continued to sell well. But by 1961 even the management at American Motors realized their mini-gem needed a major overhaul.

But monies were still tight, so a clever restyling, under AMC's styling Vice President Edmund E. Anderson in 1961, kept the aging design reasonably fresh, despite retaining the ancient underpinnings from the original Rambler. The 195.6 cid cast iron six was still standard.

Anderson's restyle resulted in a car that was shorter in its exterior dimensions with an overall length of 173.1 inches, but increased in its cargo capacity. Continuing to ride on the 100-inch wheelbase, the American's new styling was more square (sometimes described as "breadbox") instead of round (or "bathtub"), and the visual connection with the original 1950 Nash model had finally disappeared.

The 1961 model sold well. So well, that a 2-door coupe with the look of a convertible was introduced 2 years later. But in the fast-paced world of automobile stying in the '60s, cars were completely redesigned every two or three years. It was decided that a completely new Rambler American would debut in 1964.

But this concludes a fascinating account of a car that, essentially unchanged except for cosmetic makeovers, was on the showroom floor for over 13 years!

So...How's your day going? #5

2009-10-12T20:16:00.003-04:00

Crooks break into your garage to steal your fully-restored '68 vette and fail. Frustrated, they set the garage on fire. The car is totaled. Still think wealth-envy is somebody else's problem?

What was, is new again.

2009-10-12T19:45:00.005-04:00

Whether it makes it to production or not, the attractive BB1 is the latest micro-electric prototype from the French manufacturers' Peugeot and Michelin tires. Inspired from Peugeot’s electric VLV from the 1940s, this is probably more closed motorcycle than car, as there is no steering wheel or pedals. Instead, a handlebar controls the direction and speed. The rear-wheel drive automobile can reach 0 to 19 mph in 2.8 seconds and 19 to 37 mph in four seconds, with a top speed of around 65mph, from two electrically-recharged lithium-ion batteries that promise a 75-mile range. It can seat four passengers.

Say what you will, but there is a sea-change coming in transportation... and quicker than you can imagine. Micro city-cars like this are less than a decade from populating American cities. Whether by gasoline prices, car prices or the persuasive success of environmentalists in government, the new world is here... like it or not.

Let's Play Twister

2009-10-11T09:39:00.003-04:00

My favorite traveling companion, Marty Thomas, with her mother and I, were traveling to Pinehurst, NC several weeks ago when we unexpectedly happened upon a twister on Interstate One.

We don't have the temperament that mid-westerners have for this sort of event, so tornado chasing wasn't in the cards. But our sense of humor and the thought that we would survive for cocktail hour pulled us through.

Flight of Fantasy

2009-10-08T06:50:00.003-04:00

I feel my "recession" depression is developing very nicely, and thank you for asking. That I still can't get behind the administration's non-cognitive bullshit about "green-sprouts" in the economy and the raft of delusional traders on Wall Street who are running the markets up on "less" bad news, I am still finding joy in the simple things in life.

Like staring at the ceiling... wondering how we are ever going to get out of the mess we are in.

Reality certainly has a way of intruding into our modest hopes these days. That it has taken up major residence in my mind makes me question the obnoxious and phony predictions that all will return to sweetness and light in just the next 6 months. Or six months after that. You hear it from all types of pundits, corporations and, by default, the current administration.

But wishful thinking won't solve a damn thing! A constricted credit market, zombie banks, a dismal housing market (with commercial real estate ready to fall in line), unemployment still rising and consumers too scared to spend is a recipe for a malingering economic stew. And government bailouts, TARP funding, overhauling the heath care network and cap and trade will only exacerbate the situation. Borrowing money we don't have (and can never pay back) while debasing the dollar is not the way for us to solve our current dilemma. You cannot spend your way out of a recession with indebtedness.

What's the answer. In a nation that expects all problems solved in a 30 minute TV drama, Americans don't want to hear the answer. But its going to take something more precious than money.

Its going to take time.

Time to devalue toxic assets and realign our financial priorities. Time to re-balance a shattered real estate market and mop up the mortgage mess. Time to reduce manufacturing capacity and create new industries that actually hire people and create new opportunities for advancement.

But time is not on the side of either Chrysler or General Motors.

Total U.S. auto sales will probably come in around 10m cars for 2009. That contrasts with years like 2006 and 2007 when over 16m were sold. And what are the predictions? No one's really said as much, but I can't imagine with a prolonged economic situation (such as it is) that we will see much more than a 10% improvement in growth for several years ahead.

A tight market to make money in when you are well organized, post-bankruptcy C&GM may well run out of money before they can get their act together and the good times return. Do the American taxpayers even have the patience for another bailout?

GM released these pictures of a future small Buick. Wow, this looks great. But will we ever see it on the showroom floor?

Time will tell.

So...How's your day going? #4

2009-10-08T06:19:00.010-04:00

I found this rather attractive collection of recent photos showcasing drivers that were not only smashed, but crashed their vehicles as well. Let's face it, not a good night for any one of them and it looks it.

I'm not going to preach about d&d because we all know what happens. But I do find it amazing that it appears to be occurring with great frequency in spite of the warnings.

Just the other day I read in the paper about two Virginia Beach men in a Dodge Viper that crashed at one in the morning. Alcohol and speed were the culprits. That they weren't killed was a miracle. How, may I ask, do you mix booze, a viper and 1am and not have this kind of outcome?

Still want to drink and drive?

The fellow below has found the perfect solution.

Post C4C Sales Results

2009-10-03T08:03:00.002-04:00

(Click on the chart for a larger version)

I created this chart to graphically illustrate the current auto sales percentages in September 2009 as opposed to last year at this time. It paints a picture that should come as a surprise to absolutely no one still remotely connected to reality.

The Korean upstarts continue to gain market share at the expense of the entrenched, mainstream old-guard, of which Toyota and Honda are firm members.

What do the numbers tell us?

1. That automobile buyers have dwindling loyalties and will easily switch makes or manufacturers to get a better product.

2. That in the diminished economy we live in, and may well for the next several years, "value" for the buck reigns supreme.

3. That Hyundai and Kia have mastered the art of delivering so much for so little. They are to Toyota and Honda today, what Toyota and Honda were to GM, Ford and Chrysler 30 years ago.

4. That bailouts and bankruptcy for GM and Chrysler did nothing to stem their downward slide into irrelevancy. Again, I must ask, "How much longer can GM and Chrysler go without another transfusion of cash from Uncle Sam?"

5. That Cash for Clunkers cannibalized September sales, and for what purpose? C4C might have simulated car retailers while it ran, but it did nothing more than rob from future sales.

7. The Great Recession hasn't begun to turn around in spite of the happy-face bullshit the politico's and media would have us believe.

Christopher's New BMW

2009-10-02T19:59:00.002-04:00

What good is buying a new car if you can't show it off? My friend Christopher stopped by to share his newest acquisition. We drove the twin-turbo 300 hp+ BMW like jackals through the neighborhood and beyond. Say what you will, the Germans understand performance with one of the sweetest exhaust notes I've ever heard.

That I must return to my Volvo with all of its good graces leaves me wanting.

I wish I hated cars.

What would Frankenstein drive?

2009-09-26T07:43:00.011-04:00

I wondered the other day what new car comes closest in design and engineering that epitomizes the automotive equivalent of Frankenstein. A little of this and a little of that and don't forget to raid the parts bin... presto, a new car! I believe it has always been in the back of my mind that the Chrysler Sebring would walk away with top honors, although the new Honda Crosstour is a nearby second.

The Sebring has been roundly trashed by most car critics for embracing every styling cliche not only within the Chrysler genetic family, but also generically available on other contemporary cars that cued up for the latest trend in sheet metal bending (remember the "Bangle-Butt").

First up, the Sebring grafts the Crossfire hood onto a plain-jane 4-door sedan. If the Crossfire had been a reasonable sales success, than there might have been a compelling argument for following suit on this mid-size masterpiece of crap. As it turned out, the Chrysler 2-seater didn't light many fires and the Sebring is following in the same unfortunate footsteps.

A traditional Chrysler grill looking especially plain and uninspired with the ubiquitous teardrop headlamp design found on most every car coming from Asia these days is nothing but common boredom. Robbing the Saturn Ion graveyard for a roof (not to worry, Saturn couldn't sell them either and had plenty to loan Chrysler) was shear laziness.

Hey! Car stylists everywhere! Want to be on the cutting edge of avant car design? Simply add a sweep-spear line to the side bodywork that plunges into the front wheel arch. I mean, if it works for Cadillac, Mercedes, Mazda, et al, than it can work for you, too.

Enhance with a harsh, noisy ride and an interior full of hard plastic with ill-fitting materials and what do you get?

Tah-Dah! The Chrysler Sebring.

Ranked dead last in Consumer Reports compilation of 39 family sedans, this meager challenger in the critical mid-size segment has sold a whopping 34,700 units to date in 2009. Compare that with the 238,000 Camrys told by Toyota and you begin to see what sloppy engineering and deplorable design begets.

This is a godawful situation, and about as comfortable for Chrysler as Hugo Chavez at a Sarah Palin family picnic. How can you succeed as a car manufacturer when your entry in the largest sales segment is woefully inadequate?

All this boils down to one thing. Can Chrysler survive until a competent replacement arrives? Do they even have the talent to do better? We will see.

In the meantime, there aren't enough Frankenstein's shopping Chrysler's dealer lots, and that could spell a funeral pyre in the months ahead.

My Tabletop Solstice

2009-09-25T14:40:00.002-04:00

This is my first attempt at adding video to my blog. Experimenting with my Flip vc, I am thinking of all the possibilities: car shows, my travails on the Eastern Shore looking for rusty classics hidden in a garage, on-site car wreaks... you get the idea.

I shot this one Sunday afternoon. Wish I still had the real thing.

Roadside Grub Horrors #4

2009-09-24T07:54:00.002-04:00

Denny's Meat Lovers Scramble

Who among us isn't guilty of stumbling, half-drunk, into a Denny's at 3 a.m. and ordering a heaping plate of resentment and defeat? And that’s the key to consuming sodium and cholesterol in excess of 200% of daily values - doing so with dulled senses. It's best not to be fully alert the moment you've hit rock bottom.

Tastes like: The last truck-stop meal prior to an 18-wheeler jackknife collision.

Black Bess

2009-09-24T06:37:00.007-04:00

It's called "creative destruction" for a reason. Capitalism's mechanism for sorting out the winners from the losers has always had a rough-edged demeanor and unintended consequences. With so much talk today about which car manufacturers will, or won't, survive the current economic crisis, it brings back memories of an earlier marque that played the wrong hand.

Packard's greatness was withering by the mid-50s. A post-war reshuffling of the automotive landscape left Packard, short of sales and cash, with a shotgun wedding to Studebaker. The prospects looked grim. And yet Jim Nance, Packard's president, was still pitching a brilliant future for the manufacturer to any banker that would listen. Nance's bet was a redesigned line in 1957 that would surpass Cadillac and Lincoln. But beautifully illustrated models in a paper portfolio wouldn't cut it. Nance needed a working demo to woo the investment firms. Hence, Black Bess.

Packard had few resources in those waning days other than the styling studio. There, a cadre of loyal designers - Dick Teague, among them - continued to work on what they hoped would be the new 57s. Based on the Predictor show car, Black Bess was the working mule for a reinvigorated luxury car that would save the company.

Time was not on their side. As finances dried up in the summer of 56, Packard employees were shifted to Studebaker's South Bend, Indiana, factory. It would be the end of the line for the Packard marque at East Grand.

But what of Black Bess? This icon of hope with it's strong vertical grill flanked by slim horizontal metalwork stood for nothing now but failure. It would have to go. Packard engineer Herb Misch, who had supervised the single running prototype, asked Teague to destroy it. None of the designers had the heart to do that, so it came to Red Lux, an old welder in the studio, to do the deed. By 4 pm that day, Black Bess was no more, as was Packard's future.

Black Bess. The beauty and sadness of creative destruction.

From Bailout to Divine Intervention

2009-09-19T07:09:00.007-04:00

Wonderful News! I found grandmother's Faith Tones' album last week in the attic and just in a nick of time. I was getting a little jittery. I had seen where the Congressional Budget Office estimated that taxpayers would lose about $40 billion of the first $55 billion in aid to General Motors and Chrysler. I needed some reassurance from that lovely trio of beauties above that GM&C wouldn't do that.

Not if you know what a serious mess GM and Chrysler were in... and continue to be.

Let's take a realistic look at General Motors from an accounting standpoint (Chrysler was owned by private investment firm Cerberus and their numbers aren't available). I am not an accountant, but as a business man, I know something about profit and loss. Here's where it stands.

General Motors averaged a piddling profit of $1.5 billion each year from 2001 thru 2005 amounting to less than 1% of gross sales. And that's if the figures are accurate, as GM had to restate earnings for the prior 5 years after a Securities and Exchange Commission investigation in 2001.

In 2007, GM's gross sales declined to $180 billion and lost $43.3 billion ($38.3 billion was a one-time tax charge write-off).

In 2008, GM's gross sales again declined to $149 billion and lost $30.9 billion for the year with no tax write-offs. Effectively the worse 4-quarters in the 100-year history of the company.

In summation, GM's gross sales have steeply tanked for the past 10 years with a cumulative loss of over $80 billion. Market shared has collapsed as well.

So you tell me... a failing company that's made no money in a decade can pay off a tens of billions of dollars anytime soon?

I think it's going to take more than a dozen replays of the Faith Tones to make that happen.

Parts Sharing by Design

2009-09-03T05:42:00.007-04:00

Like a lot of car buyers, I find the grill on the 2010 Fusion an attractive arrangement of the chrome 3-bar design Ford introduced on the "Interceptor" show car in 2007. That similar grill design has been the face of new Fords from the F-150s to the Flex ever since.

Originated by Peter Horbury, the 3-bar grill on the Interceptor was the talk of the Detroit auto show. Now, it appears other car makers have chosen to subjugate the design for themselves without any additional compensation to Mr. Horbury. Have you noticed yourself?

My first exhibit, and most blatant rip-off, is Lexus. Of course, Lexus' reputation for "borrowing" from other designers is now legendary. The very first Lexus LS that debuted in 1989 was a Mercedes clone from stem to stern. 20 years later, their M.O. hasn't changed. The 2010 HS Hybrid model's grill speaks for itself. Have these people no shame? Haven't they learned from history? Marilyn Monroe was the celebrated original, and maintains that status today. Her B-rated clone, Jane Mansfield, is the nobody no one remembers.

You would think one rip-off would be enough in the automotive design universe. But no, along comes Honda with their hideous "CrossTour" and presto, here's the Ford 3-bar grill again, albeit with blackened bars. Of course, Honda has demonstrated their engineering acumen since they arrived in the U.S. 50 years ago, but their design aesthetic is a language nobody speaks. Honda doesn't build beautiful cars today, and never has.

I know how it feels to have one's ideas or artwork appropriated by less creative individuals. But on the broad stage of automotive design, must Toyota and Honda be so fucking brazen about it?

While I think the buyers of the copycats may never conceptually put two and two together, if I were Peter Horbury, I'd be readying an invoice for the two imitators before they move on and cannibalize another competitor's design.

So...How's your day going? #3

2009-09-01T08:36:00.005-04:00

Motorist Carol Dixon-Young nearly wreaked her Audi when a snake crawled up from under the hood on to her windshield while on her way to the supermarket. It then proceeded around the car towards the open window on the passenger side. Pulling into the grocery parking lot with the power windows now up, supermarket staff captured the 2-foot corn snake and released it into a nearby field. Said 27-year old Carol, "I panicked. I’m terrified of snakes.”

Sounds like a great story for a movie. I've thought of the title already.

"Snakes on a Pane"

Heading in the Opposite Direction

2009-08-29T08:03:00.007-04:00

I daresay that if Cruella DeVille (101 Dalmatians fame) had traded in her bat-winged monstrosity in the recent Cash for Clunkers sweepstakes, this is the car she would have bought.

Welcome to the 2010 Lincoln MKT.

I am especially reluctant to criticize Ford Motor these days as they are the one manufacturer who appears to have gotten their act together. Cash in the bank and a revamped product line that's in step with the times bodes well for the blue oval folks from Dearborn. But I am having a devil of a time embracing this new Lincoln. Here's why.

Like so many others who have complained about "me-too" lookalike car design for the past several decades, is this MKT 180 degree stylistic turnaround too different? I have commented in the past that the split-grill "new face for Lincoln" was cartoonish, at best, on many of the show cars debuting at the various auto events across the country. Now that we will soon be seeing the production version on the road, my initial reactions are turning into fear.

Lincoln designers have resurrected the split grill theme from the late 30s Zephyr. That's fine, but the defining "look" of Lincoln wasn't in the 30s. It was in the 60s! The Continentals from that era were handsomely restrained, moderating the use of chrome, and relying on sculpted-steel that gave the distinctive "kick-up" to the rear flanks. The grills were full length Norelco shaver designs that brought dignity and a premium look to Cadillac's competitor. The President and Jackie Kennedy, style-setters themselves, looked stunning in the new Lincolns.

The designers started to go that route when they introduced the MKX crossover three years ago. But with six Lincoln vehicles to create identities, I imagine the distinction of one grill was too limiting. They should have culled the number of models and stuck with the original theme (who needs entry-level luxury fakes or trucks for that matter) when by most accounts you should only be building American luxury automobiles.

In fairness, I haven't seen the new MKT in person. I look forward to it. I might change my mind, especially if it's in black.

Do you agree, or disagree with me?

I'm curious what you have to say. Please leave a comment about the new Lincoln.

Small Thoughts

2009-08-27T08:42:00.005-04:00

Mini Coupe´ or mini toupee´?

Roadside Grub Horrors #3

2009-08-25T18:28:00.004-04:00

This is late breaking news and I am thrilled to bring it to you now:

KFC is test marketing in Rhode Island and Nebraska their KFC "double-down" sandwich, where bread isn't necessary because the rolls have been replaced by fried chicken (oh, that's low in fat). Yes, the sandwich consists of two fried chicken fillets, with a filling of bacon, cheese and the Colonel's sauce (I'm guessing, but 2,800 calories). Michael Jackson's doctor goes to jail on manslaughter for a chemical cocktail and KFC merrily will kill thousands more with a deadly luncheon meal. Go figure.

Darwinism Design

2009-08-25T16:30:00.007-04:00

Watch evolution before your very eyes...

Well, I guess Asian car designers need to take cues from something inspirational, but how is it that all their small car designs look like odd aquatic fish?

Take the Chinese Chery Qq that debuted at the Shanghai Auto show this year. I am trying to wrap my mind (I'm sure I could with my arms) around a micro-car that looks like a coffin fish. Bugged-eyed and unhappy, this car's design personality will haunt me if and when it ever makes it to the American shores.

Even the color palette is eerily similar. I thought Mary Kay pink had been de-listed from the swatch book years ago.

I find the upcoming Nissan "Leaf" to fall in a similar category. Perhaps more amphibian than the Qq, how will its salamander-like face resonate with the buying public on this side of the Pacific?

Maybe I'm being a little obtuse with these associations. For that I apologize. But when you see the slick new "City Car" from BMW, you begin to understand that micro-small needn't look like guppy-gross.

Are Fuel Prices Pissing You Off?

2009-08-23T10:45:00.003-04:00

You may hope that they are.

If you think the oil cartels have us over a barrel, than you may be pleased to hear that the universe's most abundant element, hydrogen, is a good candidate for renewable energy.

The only issue appears to be storage, as it requires a high pressure-low temperature environment that makes it difficult to manage. That, and unbinding it from paired elements used to stabilize it comes with significant secondary energy costs.

But with a recent announcement by Ohio University professor Gerardine Botte, urine may be coming to the rescue. She sees the liquid as a solution thanks to the particular composition of its major component, urea. Its make-up, a 2-to-1 ratio of hydrogen and nitrogen, is convenient because hydrogen can be extracted from nitrogen using much less electricity than that needed to, say, pull apart hydrogen and oxygen. (It’s a matter of 0.037 Volts versus 1.23 Volts, if you really need to know.)

With cars powered by hydrogen extracted from urine, our culture would see a dramatic shift in priorities. Service stations would start maintaining comfortable and clean restrooms again in an effort to capture the now golden fuel. Drinking and driving might even become America's favorite pastime again.

I'm all for it.

But I will miss "putting a tiger in my tank".

GM DeathWatch #1

2009-08-12T17:53:00.006-04:00

Perhaps you have seen them. The eminently cute teaser ads that are all about numbers. I ran across them on my low-budget alternative to cable television, Hulu.com, and couldn't figure it out, at first, what I was being teased about. I wondered if this was GM touting the new Chevy Volt. "Couldn't be," I surmised, "as the Volt doesn't hit showrooms until late 2010 and no one would be foolish enough to start advertising a new car over a year before you could buy one.... would they?"

Turns out I was wrong. The ads were, indeed, for the new Volt. What a disappointment. As I have recalled in several posts, I am in advertising. I may not be Hal Riney, but I have enough successes (Yea, I know I lost Bear Stearns, but ads had nothing to do with their demise) behind my belt to know when a concept behind an ad campaign is flawed, and this one takes the cake. Here's why.

I cannot understand, for the life of me, why you advertise something nobody can buy. Oh, I can hear the rational now in the GM marketing meetings that "we'll start the 'buzz' now to ensure a successful introduction." Maybe 60 days out. But over 15 months from the debut? This is insanity.

And it gets worse. The 230 MPG figure ( the happy electrical socket reads as a zero) is GM's, not the EPA. I hope to god they don't have to restate those figures. Promises. Promises. Promises. Nothing like the "New" GM behaving like the "old" GM ("Just wait until you see what we have coming down the pike in the future!").

Actually, I spoke too soon. The ad was not so much a teaser, as it perhaps was the truth.

From T. Blumer at BizzyBlog: "Yesterday, GM filed an 8-K report with the Securities and Exchange Commission. It’s an 8.9 mb behemoth that will crash your Adobe Acrobat if you’re not careful. Among other things, it has 11 pages discussing risk factors, including an astonishing admission that the company’s “lack of effective internal controls could materially affect our financial condition and ability to carry out our business plans”; over 30 pages of minutiae relating to executive compensation; detailed information about unit sales; and over 3,000 pages of exhibits, including various agreements between the company and the United States Treasury."

But there are no second-quarter financials. Not even revenues.

Could it be that GM lost 23 billion in the second quarter?

That would be shocking!

Not.

Roadside Grubb Horrors #2

2009-08-09T11:50:00.001-04:00

In-N-Out Animal Style French Fries

To society's great benefit, In-N-Out Burger’s "Animal Style" meals aren't listed on the menu and -- like a 1930s speakeasy -- can only be accessed by those in the know. But to consume French fries smothered in cheese, sauteed onions and Thousand Island dressing is to die a little inside - emotionally and physically.

Tastes like: Cafeteria grease traps inside a Chicago middle school.

Trade In or Trade Off

2009-08-03T15:42:00.011-04:00

I'm not in a cherry mood these days. While I could relentlessly drift for another 12 months in the economic tsunami that has yet to stop spinning, I am beginning to despair as the country's entire underpinnings are being pulled out from under us much like an magician snaps a tablecloth out from under a dinner table setting. But alas, the recent round of manipulative economic tricks has again failed to succeed, leaving the president and congress stupidly standing, much like a teenage boy who's magic act went terribly wrong, amid the disarray of broken glasses and shattered dishes. Albeit, one step closer to socialism.

I am, of course, referring to the "Cash for Clunkers" chaos that only highlights the government's ineptitude when confronting all things economic. The congressional wizards can spend money like there's no tomorrow, but managing it with any finesse is not in their cards. The "clunkers" idea started as an in-vitro Frankenstein offspring with varying parts of government nannyism, meddling politician and Obama Marxist perfect world solutions. This bastard baby dies in less than a week.

The government began by fronting up to $4,500 for people to turn in their old gas guzzlers and purchase new cars with improved gasoline mileage. It was supposed to generate sales for dealers, improve the environment and pretty-up down and out Detroit for only a measly billion. That the EPA changed mileage figures the first day the program started should have been the tip off that things wouldn't go smoothly, and indeed they didn't. Deals that had been made minutes before the EPA announced their revised mpg figures were, suddenly, not honored. Worse, the government web site crashed at appropriately the wrong time, barring dealers from filing the contracts for payment. The situation was further inflamed when the estimated number of customer cars that would qualify, 250,000, was reached in less than 7 days. The government thought it would take until November! Some might call that a success, if success is the creeping march of socialism in place of our 200-year plus relic of capitalism everyone is so anxious to junk like used cars these days.

And that brings me to my current depression, a.k.a. The Great Recession, that torments me with better regularity than a morning bowl movement: the desire of government to salve the wounds of any and all unhappiness. There isn't a single problem that Obama and his minions of illusionists won't reconfigure to make you feel better... or at least think you are. The stock market, the banks, home foreclosures, cap and trade, car companies, health care, a hangnail, Jesus Christ the list goes on and so does our indebtedness.

Where will it end? What will it cost?

Simple. No government program ever goes away. I see it now, "Cash for Clunkers" will rear its ugly head again. Only this time it won't be cars, but people.

"Dad, sorry to see you go, but I'm getting $4,500 if I help you die."

Trade in or trade off?

What's In A Name?

2009-07-22T15:24:00.007-04:00

Naming an automobile is no easy task, as the number of cars with poorly thought out monikers has dotted the marketing landscape for over a century. My first awareness of what could be a laughably inappropriate choice was a car I owned, as did hundreds of thousands of others, a Chevrolet Nova. As it turned out, the Chevy was renamed when it went on sale in South America as the Spanish translation of Nova meant "no go". More recently, it has since come to the attention of Buick that their model, the LaCrosse, is popular teen slang for masturbation in French-Canadian dialect.

Sometimes, a name is a poor choice just because circumstances change. One of Studebaker's models in the 30s was the Dictator, probably not the best choosing with the advent of Germany's Hitler. Did Studebaker drive a Dictator to war? Or sometimes the name was a lousy selection in terms of what it couldn't accomplish. The Oldsmobile Achieva - sounds like a New Englander pronouncing "achiever" - was an embarrassingly slow seller that led to the demise of Oldsmobile. I guess you could call it an "underachieva". Some names are perfect descriptions while still perfectly horrible. The Daihatsu Charade was an absurd pretense of a car.

Of course, if a name didn't work for one manufacturer, who's to say it couldn't work for another. The American consumer, that's who! The Edsel model designation for two of their series was Pacer and Citation. That anyone would even consider reusing names from one of the best known automobile failures from Ford Motor Company must have been crazy, but Chevy tagged their first front-wheel drive model the Citation and American Motors dubbed their tub the Pacer. The Citation (originally to be named the "Condor") was so horribly assembled that they were falling apart on the dealership lots and died their natural death five years later. The AMC Pacer, also dead five years after introduction, is now the iconic symbol for 70s poor taste. Was the outcome of naming new cars after failed cars a foretelling? Paradoxically, the Edsel was introduced 0n September 4, 1957 and canceled for further production in January 1961.. five years.

Occasionally names just didn't seem to agree with the car they were to represent. How about the Lincoln Versailles? A cheap Ford tarted up to a "luxury" car was more than an insult to the French, it tarnished the reputation of Lincoln for decades. Ditto Cadillac, which took the lowly Chevy Cavalier and gussied it up as the Cimmaron. Great name for a breakfast pastry from Pillsbury but a complete disaster for Cadillac's standing as a premium luxury automobile, the Cimarron's failure was part of a series of events throughout the 80s and 90s that left the brand a shadow of its former self and from which it has only recently begun to emerge. Conversely, the Ford sub-compact Aspire was more appropriately tagged, in that you had ambitions toward achieving something like a real car with your next purchase. And nothing pretentious about the Chevrolet Celebrity. Why I can see Paris Hilton riding around in that piece of mediocrity right now, can't you?

I have laid off Asian car names because they always translate into weirdly feminine fractional sentences that bother me, such as "my pretty little pink pet" or "Blossom time for driving". Although Honda's "Big Dump" conjures masculine symbolism that... Let's stop there.

Lastly, auto manufacturers could avoid the turmoil and headaches of naming by not naming it at all. A Car Without A Name was an automobile built in 1909 by a company that identified itself in advertisements only as Department C, 19 North May Street, Chicago. The idea behind the name, or lack thereof, was that it would allow its buyers of the generic vehicle to name the vehicle as they wished, (or as ego permitted) without the expense or bother of setting up their own automobile concern. Such practices in the early days of the automobile market were not uncommon, however most companies that were involved with such endeavors at least had publicly known names. A Car Without A Name was equipped with a 30hp engine, three-speed transmission and came in three body styles, roadster, coupe and touring car, and continued in production through 1914 until its assets were liquidated at auction.

I wonder what name they put on the tombstone?

So...How's your day going? #2

2009-07-21T09:26:00.002-04:00

An Oscar Meyer Wienermobile crashed into the home and outdoor deck of Nick Krupp in Racine, Wis. on Friday morning, July 17, 2009. According to a witness, the vehicle was parked in the driveway. The driver lurched the vehicle forward instead of backing out of the driveway, hitting Krupp's deck and cracking the foundation of his house.

It'll take a wing and a prayer

2009-07-18T06:20:00.006-04:00

When you sign a pack with the devil, hell is right around the corner. And so it is with the "new" GM. I mentioned in earlier posts that government types would find it irresistible not to meddle with a reborn General Motors. After all, the $50 billion they threw at the company, the secured creditors they pushed under the bus, plus shepherding the company through a speedy process that abrogated all previous bankruptcy law, GM was going to pay the piper one way or another. Now we are seeing how.

Ugly payback actually began when President Obama and his government minions called for the resignation of CEO Rick Wagoner. GM's board happily obliged, with Wagoner's head promptly delivered on a silver hubcap. In desperate need of immediate cash, what else could the board do? But this sent the first message to Washington that they did, indeed, have the power to remake GM in their own, dare I say, distorted bureaucratic vision.

Next to follow, with some good old fashioned arm-twisting Obama is now famous for, was GM's reversal of building a new sub-compact car in China. "No way," said the president and his hatchet men at the UAW, "the car must be built in the USA!" And so GM again capitulates and presto, GM will assemble the car in the soon to be remodeled Michigan Orion plant. Forcing the company to build a green car stateside is one thing. Expecting a profit is pure fantasy. But who would presume two entities, Washington and the UAW, that have never garnered a profit on anything they have ever touched, to understand the business decisions necessary to actually make money. How do we know GM won't make any greenbacks on the new compact? Because every other manufacturer, domestic and imported, has studied countless business plans, each with the same conclusion: you cannot make any profit on a sub-compact built in the USA. That the Asian car companies see this says everything about GM's future earnings. And Fritz Henderson, GM's current CEO, says he wants to repay the 50 billion borrowed back to the American taxpayer? How's that going to work when you make no money building cars? Isn't that what got GM in its fix before. Oh, never mind.

Of course, the curse isn't complete until the US Congress gets its grubby little hands in the mix, which they did last week. The U.S. House approved a bill in a 219-208 vote to reverse the closing of more than 2,500 GM dealers. General Motors currently has over twice the number of dealerships they need to do business in North America and had taken rapid steps to address that. But that's a little too fast for government. Nor does it make "sense" to a deliberative body that annually spends more than they take in. Tell me what our deficit is this year... over a trillion?

It should be patently obvious to even a first-year business student that trouble in profit land is brewing for the new GM. But this go round is different from the past. This time GM has a valid excuse: "The Devil made me do it!"

Drive in the damn street!

2009-07-16T10:08:00.009-04:00

Hey, what was it with 50s advertising that cars were shown in the oddest of places either being driven or parked? I suppose the Cadillac in the lobby makes for easy coming and going to hoity-toity events.

And to the couple in the Mercury, watch those steps!

"Hey, bitch in the T-bird, get off my grass!"

"Man, you're cracking the pool apron!"

"I said, you're cracking the damn pool apron!"

Roadside Grub Horrors #1

2009-07-12T10:09:00.002-04:00

A friend sent this to me. Don't know who authored it, but F U N N Y!

Krispy Kreme Cheeseburger, a.k.a. Luther Burger

This is it. The razor’s edge of what can reasonably be thought of as food: A bacon cheeseburger with 2 glazed doughnuts in place of a bun. Mankind should be remembered for its greatest achievements -- space flight, the cure for polio, the pyramids -- but shades of this monstrosity will outlive the roaches.

Tastes like: The gastronomic equivalent of finding out you were adopted.

My Suggested GM Ad

2009-07-12T09:17:00.003-04:00

Click on ad for a larger version.

Remind me again how this is supposed to work.

GM, now 60% owned by Washington, will take it's marching orders from Congress, the President... hell, maybe even your local postman. You think I'm joking?

Several House members have already started to complain about GM's dealership closings. On behalf of their constituents, local car dealers in this case, some congressmen are mixing politics with business and already hampering the new GM's ability to make money.

That portends well for the company's future profitability, as the government's management of Amtrack, social security... hell, even the post office, will attest.

Pinch me please, I want out of this nightmare.

Michael Jackson's Auto Collection

2009-07-03T08:48:00.012-04:00

Well, he might have had a love for music and the talent to match, but Michael Jackson's collection of cars was both tired and somewhat creepy. Two Rolls, both characterized by an elaborately ornamental baroque style of interior decoration and a very late model Lincoln made up his fleet of limousines.

A Ford van looking very 80s and a rather decrepit GMC rounded out the family's transportation needs.

The bus was used for what? He hadn't toured in years. Perhaps it carried him and his entourage of children and bodyguards on his infamous shopping sprees. Or the courtroom.

The mega-star was oblivious to great cars. This trashy assortment of vehicles will probably bring a handsome sum at auction. But only because of who owned them, not because they were great in any stretch of the word.

So...How's your day going?

2009-07-01T06:59:00.002-04:00

My Suggested Chrysler Ad

2009-06-30T07:01:00.006-04:00

Click on the ad for a larger version.

The Copy Reads:

Mediocrity Reborn

Why bother to buy our cars?
You already bought the company.

Make no mistake.
We express sincere gratitude to the American taxpayer.

Your largess, with a little arm twisting by the President,
means it’s business as usual from one of Detroit’s Big Three.

Ditching our securitized debt, dropping Republican dealers
and generally blowing off any obligation we didn’t want to honor,
we are now free to return to the same bad habits
that got us into this mess to begin with.

Our factories are reopening, anxious to slap together
the poorly built cars and trucks that puts us at the bottom
of every quality survey ever conducted.

The same tired models that you wouldn't buy before,
will start languishing again on your local Chrysler dealer lots.

But there’s a difference this time.
With the UAW covering our back, Uncle Sam will continue
to fund our losses for years to come. Or someone else gets elected.

You may choose not to purchase a Chrysler product in the future.
But you’ll have no choice paying for it again and again.

Chrysler Group
Driving American Debt

Here We Go Again

2009-06-13T08:52:00.008-04:00

At the start of 2008, gasoline prices were on their steady climb to $4.00 a gallon. Car buyers were clamoring for fuel efficient automobiles. The mad dash for 30 mpg or more was the mantra shoppers embraced. Hybrids sold like hotcakes. Toyota couldn't keep a Prius on the lot. Most people thought the era of cheap petrol was over.

It is.

Although we may witness a temporary decline in barrel prices now and again, the price of gasoline will return to the $4 gallon because oil producing nations in the Middle East, Russia, Mexico and Venezuela, to name a few, need the higher prices to fund their countries. And Washington will do nothing to boost domestic production.

You need look no further than the pump for evidence. In the last few months, crude oil prices have more than doubled — to $72 a barrel from $33.55. Gasoline prices have surged 62 percent to $2.62 a gallon from $1.62. After just a few months of relief at the pump, cheap gasoline is disappearing.

But what did people do when prices went down by January of 2009? They bought big. The mad dash became a major retreat. And the response? General Motors Corp. pulled the plug the hybrid-electric version of the Chevrolet Malibu sedan for the 2010 model year due to slow sales that led to a backlog of inventory of the vehicles on dealer lots. May 2009 sales of the Toyota Prius were off 30.2 percent from a year ago, to 10,091.

Where is the sense to it all? As a car buyer in June of 2009, do you really expect gasoline prices to remain low for the next ten years - the average age most Americans keep their automobiles before trading? If you aren't willing to educate yourself to the oil commodity market, than at least exert some old-fashioned common sense. Gas won't be cheap in the future. How could it be?

Investor's Business Daily had this to say (June 11, 2009) about current rising prices and what Washington is doing about it: "In a classic case of the doubletalk we've all become familiar with, the administration is moving in exactly the opposite direction. Its cap-and-trade plan punishes those who produce and use domestic energy. It has proposed eliminating all tax incentives to produce oil and gas, and has slapped a 13% excise tax on all energy coming from the Gulf of Mexico."

"Interior Secretary Ken Salazar has canceled 77 oil and gas leases that were assigned to Utah. He stopped plans to lease oil shale rights in five Western states estimated to hold between 1 trillion and 2 trillion (with a "t") barrels of recoverable oil. The Obama administration has decided not to issue leases for gas well drilling on the Roan Plateau in Colorado."

Ok, so not surprisingly, Washington will do the wrong thing. Where are we headed?

"I wouldn't be surprised if we're testing $80 in a week or two," said one oil analyst, while BP's chief executive, Tony Hayward, questioned whether $90 could be the "right" value.

Kuwait's oil minister, Sheikh Ahmad al-Abdullah al-Sabah, put some of the rise to signs of recovery in Asia, but warned that Opec would not raise supply at current oil prices unless "it reached $100", he said.

Alexei Miller, chairman of the Russian energy group Gazprom, raised the stakes further when he reiterated last year's estimates of $250 a barrel. "This forecast has not become reality yet, given that the [credit] crisis gained momentum and exerted a powerful impact on the global energy market. But does this mean that our forecast was unrealistic? Not at all."

So there you have it folks. While those about you continue to exercise bad decisions, you needn't. Just imagine $4 a gallon gas if you are shopping for a new car in the next few months. It won't take your imagination in the near future.

Supreme Court to Drive Decisions

2009-06-07T06:43:00.005-04:00

It was bound to happen. A secured bond holder in Chrysler is contesting the sale of "good" assets to Fiat and aims to block the transaction. Indiana pension funds, which contains retirement savings for the state's teachers (among others), filed papers Saturday (June 6) seeking a Supreme Court review allowing the sale. The funds have asked Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who handles emergency requests, for an order blocking the scheduled transfer of assets on Monday, June 8 to the Italian automaker until the high court decides whether to hear the funds’ appeal.

Ginsburg's decision could seriously complicate the "fast track" bankruptcies of Chrysler and GM. If she deems the claim worthy of consideration, it will derail the reorganization process and could potentially throw both car companies into liquidation instead. We may well know the outcome before the end of today.

Let's analyze the suit. Indiana pension funds lent Chrysler $42.5 million. They want their money back! They will get nothing if the deal with Fiat goes through. They may not get much more in liquidation. The funds suit, however, is hedging on a technicality in the law that may not pass muster: Indiana pension funds contend the Fiat deal is a misuse of the Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP), which they say was intended for financial institutions, not car makers.

What does TARP allow? It provides United States Department of the Treasury to purchase or insure up to $700 billion of "troubled" assets. "Troubled assets" are defined as "(A) residential or commercial mortgages and any securities, obligations, or other instruments that are based on or related to such mortgages, that in each case was originated or issued on or before March 14, 2008, the purchase of which the Secretary determines promotes financial market stability; and (B) any other financial instrument that the Secretary, after consultation with the Chairman of the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System, determines the purchase of which is necessary to promote financial market stability, but only upon transmittal of such determination, in writing, to the appropriate committees of Congress." No mention of car makers there!

That would appear to favor the funds. But here's the fly in the ointment. On December 19, 2008, President Bush used his executive authority to declare that TARP funds may be spent on any program he personally deems necessary to avert a financial crisis, and declared Section 102 to be nonbinding. This allowed Bush to extend the use of TARP funds to support the auto industry, a move applauded by the United Auto Workers.

That the Act’s criteria for participation remains very unclear has been recognized from the outset of TARP. Yet, there is a provision for a judicial review of Treasury activity. Specifically, Treasury actions may be held unlawful if they involve an abuse of discretion, or are found to be “arbitrary, capricious . . . or not in accordance with law.”

My prediction? Indiana pension funds will lose. The political momentum for both Chrysler and GM's fast track bankruptcy will not be hindered by any one force: judicial, legislative or executive. The cards have already been dealt by a corrupt dealer: the U.S Government. The rule of law was trounced way before this suit when the bondholder's rights were thrown under the bus at the outset of the Chrysler, and later GM, bankruptcy. Strong-armed by the thugs in the Fed, those sweet little old retired teachers in the mid-west understood math and science, but didn't bother to learn the history of Washington politics. Their loss.

Tweeble

2009-05-30T11:42:00.002-04:00

Bird Droppings are No Laughing Matter

2009-05-30T09:04:00.008-04:00

You might find "Tweeble" a humorous, even innocent, cartoon. But bird droppings are one of the most serious setbacks to car-cleaning enthusiasts the world over. Here's why.

Bird poop is literally a chemical cocktail that can seriously damage automobile finishes. Composed of fruit acids, bacteria, urine condensed to white crystals, and intestinal parasites, this deadly combination can begin etching a clear coat finish in as little as 15 seconds! If not promptly dealt with, the harm can be permanent.

There are several suggestions that car-cleaning connoisseurs follow to minimize the catastrophic consequences of a bird dropping incident.

When returning from a drive, even a short jaunt, inspect the car completely for any evidence of "fowl" play. Birds can be quick and crafty. Pay particular attention to the center of the car's roof, as many novice inspectors, especially short ones, overlook this desirable target. A mirror attached to a pole, often sold to airport security for bomb-searching on the underside of trucks, is a perfect addition for the height-impaired. If you discover a dropping, apply copious amounts of cool water from a spray bottle. The object is to soften the stool and prepare it for removal. Follow with a gentle wipe of a lint-free cloth. Never use paper towels as they can scratch the surface of the finish. Saturate and repeat the process until all visible contaminants are removed. You are now prepared for Step Two, neutralization. Many amateurs believe that simply removing the stool is sufficient, but the Ph levels can remain destructively high. One of my favorite neutralization tools is Griot's Car Care "Speed Shine" in a spray bottle. Simply apply to the contaminated area and carefully wipe. Presto, you are good to go.

Even the most seasoned of us has had a bird dropping experience while driving. More terrifying than a high-speed tire blowout, this circumstance requires absolute composure and complete concentration. Just like any accident situation, immediately remove your foot from the accelerator and began to coast towards the right shoulder of the road, or if you are lucky, an immediate exit from an interstate. While time is of the essence, the welfare of passengers takes precedence. Once safely out of traffic's way, assess the situation. If the hit was to the windshield, a very common occurrence, DO NOT apply the wiper wash. That will only spread the contaminant. While the steps outlined above are the preferred antidote, I have witnessed situations where a bird dropping removal kit was absent from the trunk and you must innovate on your own. Purel anti-bacterial waterless hand sanitizer, sodas or beer, even you own urine or saliva will do in a pinch for the stool-softening procedure. Fast food napkins, newspaper, or a sock or t-shirt from your own person can substitute for a lint-free cloth. A thorough and immediate car wash is recommended following the incident.

Of course, there will always be the occasional carpet-bombing of a vehicle. This is a near purposeful vendetta against car owners and, while rare, is a reminder of nature's ferocity and awe. I would like to share with you a picture (above) taken shorty after such an attack. The owner of the Chrysler minivan, Mr. A. Douglas Allison, brought the van to me for an analysis.

I must say I was stumped at first, but The Bristol Stool Scale (a handy reference guide for any bird-dropping expert) identified the culprit as a Laughing Gull (inset). These intelligent birds have an aggressive side to their personality. Mr. Allison's vehicle is a testament to that, as well as to this bird's repeated assaults. Unfortunately, the damage done occurred 24 hours earlier and the minivan will remain forever disfigured. It is a lesson learned for all.

So remember, until we live in a bird-free world, get those droppings addressed as soon as possible... it's no laughing matter.

High Hopes for Higher Milage

2009-05-23T07:38:00.009-04:00

In yet another remarkable undertaking for change, Obama announced this week stringent new fuel and emissions requirements that mandate a Corporate Average Fuel Economy (CAFE) of 36 mpg within the next 7 years. Just more cheery news for our beleaguered domestic automobile manufacturers of which 2/3rds are on the government dole. Perhaps that explains the forced smiles and phoney congratulations from the heads of Ford, GM and Chrysler at the announcement, instead of their customary pre-bailout whining that the goal is unreachable and expensive with current technology (which it is).

To achieve the nearly 10 mile per gallon improvement, look for a drastic reengineering of the cars and trucks sold in the United States. Passenger automobiles will become lighter, smaller and much less powerful. They will cost anywhere from $1,300 (Obama estimate) to $3,000 (industry estimate) more than a comparable compact today (sans inflation). We may save the environment, but more people will die on our highways every year. Small cars are still at a disadvantage over larger ones in a collision.

You will read, with great hand-wringing and trepidation in the auto press, that there is a more sensible approach to gains in fuel utilization "if only we had a coherent national energy policy". Wake up! The CAFE requirement, however bone-headed, is our policy and has been since 1975. Instead of working to stabilize gasoline prices and moderate consumption with a rational, measured approach to volatile commodities, we will do the exact opposite, control the individuals and regulate the machinery that consume the commodity. That this strategy of governmental-contrived manipulation will solve what a free market economy could have done on it's own is a testament to the fact that people never learn (Sorry, it must be my pesky history degree rearing its ugly head again).

You might argue what difference does it make if the end result is the same. But which would you rather have, stable gas prices via taxes at (a hypothetical) $4 a gallon and buy what you want, or drive a government-designed clown car and watch gasoline prices gyrate between heaven and hell? Oops, sorry, there's that word "choice" again.

Don't get me wrong. As a nation I believe respect for our environment and conservation of resources is both necessary and practical. That's just common sense. That same common sense could also allow auto manufactures to build what the public desires to drive and pay the price at the pump. Economics appears to work for other choices we make in our life. Tell me, did the price of your new home influence your selection to buy it? If we use the current administration's logic, won't we be better off if home builders construct only 600 square foot houses for you to live in? I don't see the difference.

How fitting that a week before Memorial Day 2009, Barack announces a policy which will mark the end to what millions of U.S. military men and women died to protect and preserve... our culture of freedom and choice.

A Bird in the Hand...

2009-05-17T13:51:00.009-04:00

The year was 1983. I had just taken a job in ad sales for a new Hampton Roads city weekly called PortFolio Magazine. While I was optimistic about my new employ, I was recovering from the failure of my own city monthly called the Bay Area Review. For the previous year I had slaved 24/7 in an effort to make the publication work. Not only had the experience taken an emotional toll, but financially I was exhausted as well.

I was driving a 1972 Opel 1600 that had seen better days. Most distressing, it lacked air conditioning. In a sales position, you need to arrive at a prospect's business alert and refreshed. As we were coming into the humid summer months, the need for a new car became apparent.

As I mentioned, I was broke. But I never stiffed anyone and my credit was still good. I visited my old friends at Cavalier Ford (I was a salesman there in summers during college break) and laid out the cards. I drove away in a new dove gray Ford Thunderbird. The Thunderbird was completely redesigned in '83 and it turned heads. Breaking from the square look that it, and most other cars on the road, had previously embraced, the new 'Bird made everything else on the road look 10 years old.

My 'Bird had a 232 cid Essex V-6. But it was the style that hooked me. The rounded corners and slopping lines married to an egg-crate grille was about as fashionable as you could be in '83.

I suppose it sounds shallow, but that car did more for my self-confidence at the time than anything else I could have envisioned. Hey, you are what you drive, right?

A GM Bailout? Why bother.

2009-05-15T11:23:00.019-04:00

They say all good things come to an end. Surprisingly, the end for General Motors came in the mid-70s. Hopelessly mired in the "GM Way", the corporation began to suffer the effects of an insular management team, substandard quality control, uninspired styling and a total indifference to the rising tide of imported Asian cars and contentious, overcompensated UAW workers.

That GM managed to survive until now had everything to do with their sheer size and cheap gas, and the delusional belief that they would always be king of the American highway.

The unthinkable, however, is happening. On June 1st of this year, GM will file bankruptcy. Despite a recent renaissance of styling and build quality, the sudden, and now horrendous, decline of auto sales proved to be the straw that broke the camel's back.

Using Chrysler's strategy, GM will mimic a similar course of bankruptcy. They, with presidential authority, will trample over dealers and secured bond holders, and any other obstacle that threatens to derail this governmental fantasy of "easy in - easy out" receivership.

That's what we can expect for the immediate future. But what's beyond? I believe I know.

CHAOS AT THE CORPORATE LEVEL
Unlike Chrysler, GM has interconnected manufacturing interests worldwide that will complicate the reorganization of it's North American operations. It wants to shed Opel and Saab as well as Hummer and Saturn. But until it does, these orphan brands will only distract from the immediate task at hand, which is reviving the four viable marques that GM believes is its future: Chevrolet, Buick, Cadillac and GMC trucks. Other interferences will abound. With no manufacturing for months while in receivership and a tainted retail reputation, GM's share of the domestic market will fall from 20% to 10%. Morale will collapse and many of the brightest engineers, designers and managers will simply leave. The contraction on every level will most likely be mismanaged, with false stops and starts that will delay the 2010 model introductions. "Oh, and by the way, have you met your new owners?" With the Obama administration's micro-managed meddling and the UAW's bloodsucking mindset, GM will never realize any sustainable recovery. Still think the economical Chevrolet Aveo import from Korea stands a chance with UAW board members?

COLLAPSE OF THE SUPPORT SYSTEM
No surprise here. With both Chrysler and GM taking a summer vacation, what are the vendors supposed to do? This event alone will trigger a chain reaction of failures among auto parts suppliers - critical to the immediate return of manufacturing for GM's resurgence. With the chopping block massacre of their dealer network, down by half to 3,000, the misery will spread to cities and towns across America. Industry downsizing will add 250,000 to the unemployment roles in short order. And what about GMAC Financing? GMAC is already insolvent, having borrowed $5 billion from TARP funds. Won't Barack get tired feeding this beast play money every quarter?

ECONOMIC EFFECTS ON THE COUNTRY
Think you've seen all the bad news there is to see in our current economic meltdown? Just wait until the newly emerged GM, and ugly sister Chrysler, continue to lose money. I'm certain the placid taxpayer won't mind fronting a few extra billion to get them over another rough patch. With the current economic climate still in the basement, and possibly for years to come, consumer's won't be buying new cars in numbers large enough to guarantee a profitable GM. The nasty PR that GM will undergo will also alienate million of buyers, forever. Which all leads to a further erosion of market share.

THE END OF THE ROAD
I am not a GM basher. I have owned dozens, most recently a 2007 Pontiac Solstice and 2007 Cadillac CTS... both outstanding automobiles that were leading the rebirth of a new General Motors. But GM remained a bloated behemoth and the collapse of the housing market and the associated credit crisis in late 2007 signaled insurmountable problems for the world's largest automobile manufacturer. Latest figures from CSM Worldwide project total unit sales of all makes in the USA at just 8.1 million units in 2009. That's half the number bought in 2007! How can GM, even after bankruptcy, make a profit in 2009? The answer is they can't, and sadly won't for years. How long will the current administration continue to fund GM? The answer, again, is they can't for much longer. Other entitlement programs and obligations by the government will compete for the billion dollar prizes our treasury so casually doles out every month. Where does that leave GM?

The advanced 2010 Chevrolet Volt, a technological tour de force, will most likely debut as planned. But this halo car costs more to produce than it's selling price. How long can GM afford that with the end of funding from Uncle Sam? The new Chevy Cruze (pictured above) and Buick LaCrosse are winners, but will anyone notice? I believe you will see GM continue with a dwindling market share. Once it reaches 4% in North America, they will fold.

There will also be another high-profile vacancy on the American scene. Inextricably associated with the failed GM bailout by taxpayers, Obama will be a one-term president.

The End of Chrysler

2009-05-09T09:32:00.007-04:00

This is one damn mess and it's going to get worse. Now that this corpse of a car company is in bankruptcy, terrifyingly bad decisions are being made by the Obama administration. Most offensive is that the senior secured debt holders (such as Oppenheimer Funds), who should be at the top of the receiving end, have had their arms twisted to settle for less, much less. Ridiculed as financial scavengers and parasites by the president, their corporate bond holdings were reduced to pennies on the dollar. That this doesn't get challenged in court will surprise me.

And guess who gets 55% of the newly emerged Chrysler... the UAW! Apparently the unfunded pension obligations that would have vanished under a typical bankruptcy are now worth over half of the equity in the new corporation. Of course, the UAW performed a lot of heavy lifting for Obama's election and this is the apparent reward.

Don't forget, Uncle Sam gets a slice of the reissued stock. I guess that for the billions we will waste on this colossal mistake, we as taxpayers should be grateful. I'm not. The first 8 billion from the TARP money we loaned Chrysler will never be repaid. That's a given. So is the unfortunate reality that Chrysler will be on the tit of the US Government for years to come.

That egregious outcome, alone, will prevent me from ever purchasing a Chrysler product again. I wonder how many other Americans agree with my viewpoint.

Speaking of repayment, or the lack thereof, how does Chrysler make any money once out of bankruptcy? Their passenger cars are poorly made and unpopular. Even the Chrysler 300, a reasonably good looking sedan, is getting long in the tooth - it was introduced in 2004 as a 2005 model - now 5 years old. About all they have going for them are the minivans, Dodge trucks and Jeep franchise. Will buyers have any confidence that these brands are still viable... even with the US Government standing behind their warranties (how that's going to work is any body's guess)? Fiat, who built such unremarkable cars that they had to leave the American market in 1984, is volunteering technical and manufacturing expertise. For no cash investment, they are getting a minimum of 20% stock and most likely, the unenviable task of managing this newly emerged Frankenstein of a car company. Oh, and they also have to manufacture a 40-mpg automobile in America... most likely the Fiat 500 I mentioned in an earlier post. How many American workers will they need for one bombed-out plant in Detroit to build an Italian automobile?

All that, in an automobile market that has yet to recover any sales momentum in the current economic downturn. Where is there any chance for success in this boondoggle?

Perhaps it is unfair of me to ridicule the efforts some good people are putting forth to save an American icon. So I offer this plausible alternative. Chrysler goes into bankruptcy just like hundreds of other companies over hundreds of years have, and takes it chances. No more bailouts. No phony partnerships. No disregard for the lawful obligation of debt.

That's the formula to save another American icon: Capitalism!

Stylin' in the 70s

2009-05-09T08:33:00.004-04:00

It's 1975 and the living is easy. I was getting into the car buying experience with some regularity and decided that the new American Motors Matador 2-door fastback was the ticket. This was a swoopy coupe with large tunneled headlights. Mine was in a merlot exterior color with a vinyl cream interior.

Richard Teague designed the Matador to capture some of the market that the Oldsmobile Cutlass, Chevy Monte Carlo and Ford Torino, all top sellers, were getting. I suppose in my own odd way, I didn't want to drive what everyone else did. Thus the Matador graced my driveway.

It came with a 232 cid six under what appeared to be the longest hood in history. The country had been through two recent gasoline shortages so the 6 cylinder seemed prudent at the time. The crisis got so bad that in February they moved daylight savings time up two months in an effort to save energy. Construction of the Alaska pipeline started a month later.

Things sure were different back then. I had a small apartment on Little Creek Road. If you can imagine, it wasn't even air-conditioned (the Matador thankfully was)! Downtown Norfolk remained a dump in spite of the construction of a "pedestrian-friendly" mall that forbid car travel. I was an account rep for the Virginian-Pilot and handled some used automobile dealerships.

I kept the Matador for 2 years and sold it to buy a 1976 Plymouth Arrow (more about that disaster in another column). I miss that Matador and wish I still had it.

My Modern Rambler

2009-05-05T20:58:00.006-04:00

Well, I would suspect the folks at Volvo would be slightly aghast that I likened their new C-30 to a 1959 Rambler American 2-door wagon. Popular car magazines certainly don't see it that way. But that's why I bought the C-30, a tough little devil that's the zeitgeist of modern transportation in 2009!

What are we facing today? An unpredictable economy on Prozac without a prescription and volatile fuel prices that can spike sooner than a cat's fur on Halloween. The same pragmatic response to a recession in the late 1950's that lead to the sales success (By the '60s the Rambler was the third best selling make) of the American wagon against such dinosauric monstrosities as the '59 Cadillac, spurred my purchase of the C-30 this year.

While the C-30 drives circles around the Rambler, it is cut from the same parsimonious cloth. The C-30 is a maneuverable, gas stingy (30mpg highway), 4-seater hatchback ('50s lingo for "small wagon") that is economical to buy and maintain much like the aforementioned 1959 American.

Yet, you won't be punished for frugality. A "music-to-the-ears" sound system, extremely comfortable seating and a turbo-powered 5-cylinder make the C-30 more than a a mediocre econobox. It's a celebration of practicality without that withered cheapness so common to "small cars".

Let's be real. You won't pull up to your 30th high school reunion and necessarily impress those who are sporting a Mercedes or Cadillac. But haven't you matured enough to care less what they think? Besides, the handsome football jock has never held any job longer than 24 months and the Homecoming Queen, well, let's be polite, is about 80 lbs. heaver than when you last saw her.

I would like to think that we are embracing the cataclysmic shift to prudence this new financial world is becoming. Buying a C-30 is part of that. It may not agree with everyone, and I can understand that, but for those of us who get it, the Volvo is precisely what it needs to be: a contemporary Rambler American.

Secrets to a Great Driving Companion

2009-05-05T08:05:00.006-04:00

For those that enjoy a robust driving experience, there is nothing more enjoyable than a competent road trip companion. They play a key role in the success or failure when traveling for pleasure. My preferred co-pilot is Marty Thomas. She has a tremendous sense of humor, a boatload of common sense and an innate understanding of driving dynamics. I suspect she got that last talent growing up in Italy as a Navy brat who's father, Adm. Julian Thomas, owned and drove Ferrari's.

The key role for a traveling companion is to assist the driver in all situations pertaining to the safety, enjoyment and most of all, excitement, a road trip should embody. Where would Clyde be without Bonnie?

For example, your co-pilot should travel light and be able to read a Google map or navigate a GPS system with ease. They should have kidneys of steel with the ability to pass rest stops without wincing. Most importantly, they must have the physiological ability to analyze and anticipate other drivers moves based on the vehicle they are driving. (i.e. minivans, Subaru's with Vermont tags, older makes with sheetmetal damage, etc.).

While my sixth sense to smell police and radar units miles away has kept us out of the clutches of the secondary road constabularies that terriorize rural America, in the event the unanticipated occurs (State Police disguised as Mustang Cobra drivers) the co-pilot must be able to feign pregnancy ("My water broke and we are on the way to the hospital."), contritness (crying on demand is a plus) or just general confusion ("Your Honor, my mother, who I haven't seen from birth is dying. She lives in a white house somewhere along this road. Will you take the time to help us find her?). Of course, you can avoid those situations entirely without speeding, but remember, I mentioned "excitement" when I described a road trip essential.

Lastly, a dedicated traveling companion must never exhibit fear! That includes such distracting mannerisms as "braking" when in the passenger seat (watch their feet when you come swiftly into a corner... always a telltale sign), screaming when passing is tight on a 2 lane road ("Go quietly unto the Lord" -isn't that in the Bible?) or listening to an Ipod with earphones ( you'll miss the exhaust note on the curve return).

I wish each of you the enjoyment I have found with Marty as a professional traveling companion. They make excellent friends for life as well.

Great Grandfather's Essex

2009-05-03T11:22:00.001-04:00

H. C. Layton, my Great-Grandfather, drove this 1929 Essex coupe everyday in his hometown of Bridgeville, Delaware. He ran the local hardware store, H. C. Layton & Sons, for 70 years. The store remains open today and is managed by my cousin, Michael Layton.

The Essex was manufactured by Hudson who introduced affordable "closed" coupes and sedans to the driving public (as opposed to the Model T which was an "open" car ). The price was somewhere around $1,400 new.

If my memory serves correctly, he also sold them at the hardware store.

The New Chrysler Corporation

2009-05-03T10:52:00.001-04:00

Perhaps I should have photo-shopped out the Fiat badge and replaced it with the Chrysler emblem because this will be one of the first cars imported from Italy for the Auburn Hills manufacturer. It's a Mini-scaled Fiat 500 and I would imagine it will take on a different look in the US market because our bumper standards are different from Europe's. That's a process Ford discovered when it decided to import the European Focus to these shores. It also takes about 2 years to complete the redesign. Tell me, can Chrysler wait that long for new product to start arriving?

I must share with you that this whole Chrysler drama is far from over. I would expect years of mayhem what with the bankruptcy filing, complete collapse of domestic sales (especially Chrysler's), a dealer network under extreme pressure and an Italian management team that only recently was able to turn Fiat around.

One thing is certain, your local Chrysler and Dodge dealers will be pushing used cars as Chrysler's manufacturing plants are idle as of now.

Start Driving Young

2009-05-03T10:17:00.000-04:00

Here I am getting a healthy dose of "driving" at about 5 or 6 years old. I was standing on the front seat, not sitting, but already preparing for a life behind the wheel. Not sure you can see it that well in the photo, but Mom is in the back seat with her hand to her head mimicking both fear and disgust at my driving. Funny thing is, 50 plus years later and she's still doing the same thing!

The car was a 1958 4-door Chevrolet Biscayne sedan in two shades of green. The Biscayne wasn't the top of the Chevrolet line by any measure, and yet I am amazed today at how much chrome the car sported. Dad also had a '58 Chevrolet wagon in Coral Pink. A dreadful hue that reminds one of the color of healthy gums.

We got out of sedans because Mom liked convertibles (YES! YES! YES!) and went through a series of Chevy II's and Malibu's in the early 1960's.

(One note about convertibles: they are wonderful! And please don't let anyone attempt to convince you that a sunroof is the equivalent. Sunroofs are a distraction in my opinion and produce a wind pressure situation in the cabin of the car that creates a "booming" sensation in your ears if the other windows are closed. I notice that in Audi's particularly.)

Drive The Blue Ridge

2009-05-03T09:37:00.000-04:00

There's no finer weekend drive than to embrace the magnificent Blue Ridge Parkway in a top-down sportster. My trusty traveling companion, Marty Thomas, and I have made several treks to this Virginia-North Carolina parkway over the years and everytime we drive it we make another exciting discovery. The highest elevation reaches nearly 5,000 feet and the views are remarkable.

A few tips I can share with you. Go in the early spring. The crowds are non-existent and the road usually deserted. The posted speed is 40 mph but 60 is exhilarating and still safe. There aren't many guard rails so use caution. We heard on our last trip that two guys in a SUV (figures) accidentally drove off one of the embankments and were killed.

The driving experience is relative to the car you take. Our first trip we took my Thunderbird. The T-Bird is a boulevardier at best and no match for the twisties this 400 mile long road boosts. But the Bird was a convertible so that made up for its lack of enthusiasm in the curves. The trip in the Solstice was another experience altogether. Marty and I flew around mountain-top corners like two bats out of hell. The adrenaline peaked about every 5 minutes and it beat the pants off any Busch Gardens roller coaster ride. The element of death is there for sure. I believe you are best doing this jaunt in a tossable sports car, like the Solstice or a Miata. A Corvette or Porsche is too heavy and over-horsepowered for this outing.

A few other observations worth sharing. Take a sweater. Even in late May it can get down right chilly in the hills. Also respect the unique weather you may encounter. If it appears like it might rain, then there may be some serious fog issues. It can be mean! Marty and I had such an experience. If I recall correctly, she had to get out of the car and by tapping on the front fender guide me from driving off the cliffs. You could not see your hand in front of your face I kid you not.

As I mentioned, this is a perfect weekend trip and I suggest a great resting spot for the night in Blowing Rock, North Carolina. It's a charming mountain village with great accommodations and restaurants.

My Next Car

2009-05-02T11:30:00.000-04:00

I am beginning to believe that cars are like a sexual conquest to me. Once I get it, I'm right back out there looking for the next one. I'm liking the new Volvo S-60 that will grace the showroom floors next year. I've owned Volvo's in the past and am driving a 2008 C-30. I think this car has some great lines. Very curvaceous, unlike many of the older version Volvo's you see on the street most days.

Volvo sales are down this year, as are most makes. But they started a downward sales trajectory before the current economic mess started and I don't believe they ever made Ford Motor any money. Ford wants out of Volvo by the end of the year. They need to find the right buyer.

Hope this model comes to fruition. Will probably list at about $33,000 for a base edition.

Bill's 1948 Chrysler Windsor

2009-05-02T09:59:00.000-04:00

The year was 1978 and I was well on my way to restoring my first "antique" car.

1978 was a wonderful year. I was out of school and making decent money as a rep for The Virginian-Pilot. I had a small apartment at Bolling Square. Here I am by my back door pulling off some tape after a small paint touch-up. Bell bottoms, sandals and Disco music most likely playing in the background. Dig the aviator glasses.

I really thought of this Windsor as an "antique" car. No wonder. The car was 30 years old. I was just 26.

That would be like me restoring a 1979 Chrysler today. Not so "antique" after all.

Father Hated Chryslers

2009-05-02T07:34:00.000-04:00

Alas, the beleaguered Chrysler Corporation filed bankruptcy this week. If my father was still alive today, he would have felt vindicated. Dad never liked Chryslers. I remember him telling me as a youngster that they wouldn't start in the rain. While I found that impossible to be true, he must have had an experience where one didn't and it colored his impression for the rest of his life.

Of course, car ownership in the 1950s was much different than it is today. You rather joined a family of cars in those days. We were a GM family. The Stacey's down the street were Ford people. Father's good friend, Alex Bell, was solely Chrysler. It was much like belonging to a political party and you didn't stray. I can remember arguments between my childhood friend, Alex Bell, Jr., about which car was better - a Chevy or a Chrysler. We both wanted bragging rights. Just like political preferences, however, you seldom changed anyone's mind and I would go home after a day of play with Alex, confident that Dad and his Chevy was better than Alex's father in a Chrysler. Sharing those observations with Dad at the dinner table that evening, he would beam with pride.

He lost some of that pride years later when I showed up at my parent's house with an older car I wanted to restore: a 1948 Chrysler Windsor. "They weren't any good then and you'll pay hell trying to keep it running" were the first words out of Father's mouth. He rather thought I was being a fool about the whole project. Had I showed up in a '48 Chevy sedan, I believe he might have been more receptive.

Over the next year I succeeded in bringing the Windsor back to life. A new engine and brakes. A new muffler and paint. But anytime something went wrong, Dad's comments came back to haunt me.

A friend of mine, Bob Moss, and I planned a weekend car trip in 1979 from Norfolk up through Virginia's Eastern Shore to visit my Grandparents in Seaford, Delaware. We would take the Chrysler. It was in July and hotter than the blue blazes. We left Norfolk after a late lunch and as circumstances would have it, thunderstorms appeared as we passed Salisbury, Maryland on Route 13. We had the cow vent open as the Windsor didn't have air conditioning (few '48s did), but had to close the windows as a torrential rain suddenly slammed the car. It had gotten so dark from the storm that I turned the headlights on. The wipers were going full tilt just to keep up with the rain. Wind buffeted the Chrysler. And then it happened. The electrical system failed and I lost the headlights and wipers. I couldn't see anything ahead. At first I felt panicked, terrified I would drive into something or just careen off the road. But as I let up off the gas and slowly braked, the lights and wipers suddenly came back on. I never felt so relieved in my life. Apparently, rain water had trickled down from the open cowl vent and temporarily shorted the system. I begin to wonder if a very similar situation had happened to Dad years ago. I decided not to mention the episode to him, as it would only reinforce his complete disdain for Chryslers and how they didn't run well in the rain.

Years later, when I sold the Windsor, I realized Dad never took a ride in my Chrysler.

Confidentially, I wonder how Dad would have taken the news that his beloved GM is now teetering on bankruptcy itself?