Heading in the Opposite Direction

I daresay that if Cruella DeVille (101 Dalmatians fame) had traded in her bat-winged monstrosity in the recent Cash for Clunkers sweepstakes, this is the car she would have bought.

Welcome to the 2010 Lincoln MKT.

I am especially reluctant to criticize Ford Motor these days as they are the one manufacturer who appears to have gotten their act together. Cash in the bank and a revamped product line that's in step with the times bodes well for the blue oval folks from Dearborn. But I am having a devil of a time embracing this new Lincoln. Here's why.

Like so many others who have complained about "me-too" lookalike car design for the past several decades, is this MKT 180 degree stylistic turnaround too different? I have commented in the past that the split-grill "new face for Lincoln" was cartoonish, at best, on many of the show cars debuting at the various auto events across the country. Now that we will soon be seeing the production version on the road, my initial reactions are turning into fear.

Lincoln designers have resurrected the split grill theme from the late 30s Zephyr. That's fine, but the defining "look" of Lincoln wasn't in the 30s. It was in the 60s! The Continentals from that era were handsomely restrained, moderating the use of chrome, and relying on sculpted-steel that gave the distinctive "kick-up" to the rear flanks. The grills were full length Norelco shaver designs that brought dignity and a premium look to Cadillac's competitor. The President and Jackie Kennedy, style-setters themselves, looked stunning in the new Lincolns.

The designers started to go that route when they introduced the MKX crossover three years ago. But with six Lincoln vehicles to create identities, I imagine the distinction of one grill was too limiting. They should have culled the number of models and stuck with the original theme (who needs entry-level luxury fakes or trucks for that matter) when by most accounts you should only be building American luxury automobiles.

In fairness, I haven't seen the new MKT in person. I look forward to it. I might change my mind, especially if it's in black.

Do you agree, or disagree with me?

I'm curious what you have to say. Please leave a comment about the new Lincoln.

Small Thoughts

Mini Coupe´ or mini toupee´?

Roadside Grub Horrors #3

This is late breaking news and I am thrilled to bring it to you now:

KFC is test marketing in Rhode Island and Nebraska their KFC "double-down" sandwich, where bread isn't necessary because the rolls have been replaced by fried chicken (oh, that's low in fat). Yes, the sandwich consists of two fried chicken fillets, with a filling of bacon, cheese and the Colonel's sauce (I'm guessing, but 2,800 calories). Michael Jackson's doctor goes to jail on manslaughter for a chemical cocktail and KFC merrily will kill thousands more with a deadly luncheon meal. Go figure.

Darwinism Design

Watch evolution before your very eyes...





Well, I guess Asian car designers need to take cues from something inspirational, but how is it that all their small car designs look like odd aquatic fish?

Take the Chinese Chery Qq that debuted at the Shanghai Auto show this year. I am trying to wrap my mind (I'm sure I could with my arms) around a micro-car that looks like a coffin fish. Bugged-eyed and unhappy, this car's design personality will haunt me if and when it ever makes it to the American shores.

Even the color palette is eerily similar. I thought Mary Kay pink had been de-listed from the swatch book years ago.

I find the upcoming Nissan "Leaf" to fall in a similar category. Perhaps more amphibian than the Qq, how will its salamander-like face resonate with the buying public on this side of the Pacific?



Maybe I'm being a little obtuse with these associations. For that I apologize. But when you see the slick new "City Car" from BMW, you begin to understand that micro-small needn't look like guppy-gross.

Are Fuel Prices Pissing You Off?

You may hope that they are.

If you think the oil cartels have us over a barrel, than you may be pleased to hear that the universe's most abundant element, hydrogen, is a good candidate for renewable energy.

The only issue appears to be storage, as it requires a high pressure-low temperature environment that makes it difficult to manage. That, and unbinding it from paired elements used to stabilize it comes with significant secondary energy costs.

But with a recent announcement by Ohio University professor Gerardine Botte, urine may be coming to the rescue. She sees the liquid as a solution thanks to the particular composition of its major component, urea. Its make-up, a 2-to-1 ratio of hydrogen and nitrogen, is convenient because hydrogen can be extracted from nitrogen using much less electricity than that needed to, say, pull apart hydrogen and oxygen. (It’s a matter of 0.037 Volts versus 1.23 Volts, if you really need to know.)

With cars powered by hydrogen extracted from urine, our culture would see a dramatic shift in priorities. Service stations would start maintaining comfortable and clean restrooms again in an effort to capture the now golden fuel. Drinking and driving might even become America's favorite pastime again.

I'm all for it.

But I will miss "putting a tiger in my tank".

GM DeathWatch #1

Perhaps you have seen them. The eminently cute teaser ads that are all about numbers. I ran across them on my low-budget alternative to cable television, Hulu.com, and couldn't figure it out, at first, what I was being teased about. I wondered if this was GM touting the new Chevy Volt. "Couldn't be," I surmised, "as the Volt doesn't hit showrooms until late 2010 and no one would be foolish enough to start advertising a new car over a year before you could buy one.... would they?"

Turns out I was wrong. The ads were, indeed, for the new Volt. What a disappointment. As I have recalled in several posts, I am in advertising. I may not be Hal Riney, but I have enough successes (Yea, I know I lost Bear Stearns, but ads had nothing to do with their demise) behind my belt to know when a concept behind an ad campaign is flawed, and this one takes the cake. Here's why.

I cannot understand, for the life of me, why you advertise something nobody can buy. Oh, I can hear the rational now in the GM marketing meetings that "we'll start the 'buzz' now to ensure a successful introduction." Maybe 60 days out. But over 15 months from the debut? This is insanity.

And it gets worse. The 230 MPG figure ( the happy electrical socket reads as a zero) is GM's, not the EPA. I hope to god they don't have to restate those figures. Promises. Promises. Promises. Nothing like the "New" GM behaving like the "old" GM ("Just wait until you see what we have coming down the pike in the future!").

Actually, I spoke too soon. The ad was not so much a teaser, as it perhaps was the truth.

From T. Blumer at BizzyBlog: "Yesterday, GM filed an 8-K report with the Securities and Exchange Commission. It’s an 8.9 mb behemoth that will crash your Adobe Acrobat if you’re not careful. Among other things, it has 11 pages discussing risk factors, including an astonishing admission that the company’s “lack of effective internal controls could materially affect our financial condition and ability to carry out our business plans”; over 30 pages of minutiae relating to executive compensation; detailed information about unit sales; and over 3,000 pages of exhibits, including various agreements between the company and the United States Treasury."

But there are no second-quarter financials. Not even revenues.

Could it be that GM lost 23 billion in the second quarter?

That would be shocking!

Not.

Roadside Grubb Horrors #2

In-N-Out Animal Style French Fries

To society's great benefit, In-N-Out Burger’s "Animal Style" meals aren't listed on the menu and -- like a 1930s speakeasy -- can only be accessed by those in the know. But to consume French fries smothered in cheese, sauteed onions and Thousand Island dressing is to die a little inside - emotionally and physically.

Tastes like: Cafeteria grease traps inside a Chicago middle school.

Trade In or Trade Off

I'm not in a cherry mood these days. While I could relentlessly drift for another 12 months in the economic tsunami that has yet to stop spinning, I am beginning to despair as the country's entire underpinnings are being pulled out from under us much like an magician snaps a tablecloth out from under a dinner table setting. But alas, the recent round of manipulative economic tricks has again failed to succeed, leaving the president and congress stupidly standing, much like a teenage boy who's magic act went terribly wrong, amid the disarray of broken glasses and shattered dishes. Albeit, one step closer to socialism.

I am, of course, referring to the "Cash for Clunkers" chaos that only highlights the government's ineptitude when confronting all things economic. The congressional wizards can spend money like there's no tomorrow, but managing it with any finesse is not in their cards. The "clunkers" idea started as an in-vitro Frankenstein offspring with varying parts of government nannyism, meddling politician and Obama Marxist perfect world solutions. This bastard baby dies in less than a week.

The government began by fronting up to $4,500 for people to turn in their old gas guzzlers and purchase new cars with improved gasoline mileage. It was supposed to generate sales for dealers, improve the environment and pretty-up down and out Detroit for only a measly billion. That the EPA changed mileage figures the first day the program started should have been the tip off that things wouldn't go smoothly, and indeed they didn't. Deals that had been made minutes before the EPA announced their revised mpg figures were, suddenly, not honored. Worse, the government web site crashed at appropriately the wrong time, barring dealers from filing the contracts for payment. The situation was further inflamed when the estimated number of customer cars that would qualify, 250,000, was reached in less than 7 days. The government thought it would take until November! Some might call that a success, if success is the creeping march of socialism in place of our 200-year plus relic of capitalism everyone is so anxious to junk like used cars these days.

And that brings me to my current depression, a.k.a. The Great Recession, that torments me with better regularity than a morning bowl movement: the desire of government to salve the wounds of any and all unhappiness. There isn't a single problem that Obama and his minions of illusionists won't reconfigure to make you feel better... or at least think you are. The stock market, the banks, home foreclosures, cap and trade, car companies, health care, a hangnail, Jesus Christ the list goes on and so does our indebtedness.

Where will it end? What will it cost?

Simple. No government program ever goes away. I see it now, "Cash for Clunkers" will rear its ugly head again. Only this time it won't be cars, but people.

"Dad, sorry to see you go, but I'm getting $4,500 if I help you die."

Trade in or trade off?